Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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