Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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