I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
