I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
