I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
