I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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