I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
