I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
