Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
