i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
