he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
