It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
