May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
