I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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