in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
