Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
