I puked a lego.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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