I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I have so many feelings about this burrito
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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