I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
