Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
