btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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