Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
