i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The air was thick with penises
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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