He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
