it wasn't lemon gatorade
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
