I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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