Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Randomize
