I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Swine flu is the new snow day.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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