I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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