I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
