I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
