dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
