I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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