And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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