This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
