fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I have surprise drugs for everyone
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
