i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
