at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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