Are we in a gay sports bar?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You're like the curious george of whores
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
