OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize