Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
