Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
