worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
