Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
A bitchslap is in order.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
