I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
