I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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