thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
