I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
