I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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