I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
