This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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