I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
