I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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