It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
