i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
