So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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