Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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