So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
