When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
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