At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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