i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Randomize
