I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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