i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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