I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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