I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
