Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
