I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
why do cheetos always look like penises
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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