Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
