Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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