At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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