The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
