I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
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He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
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In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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