this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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