and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I still have a little drunk in my system
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
