we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
