Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Farmville is her only friend.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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