either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
