Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
