Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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