I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
